Another Nightmare? Another Nightmare.

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My eyes dart open in panic.

I can hear my heart pounding in my chest.

I can sense my distress.

Is it real?

Questions fly through my mind as I try to figure out why I feel so blind. Its dark.

Another nightmare?

It almost feels as though I’m still dreaming
but as I try to focus my eyes, I can see the outline of my bedside vines. I tilt my head to find my alarm I’ve double checked a hundred times.

3am.

Another nightmare.

As soon as I feel my shaking, sweating, slippery skin, I know.

Reoccurring dreams of my worst fear. This happens a lot, I should know.  Why does it feel so near? Why is the terror so clear?

I’ve never experienced it but its always in my mind. Lurking, like it could jump out at any given time. My conscience won’t let me forget the things I dream when I’m alone, on my own, it’s out of my control.

Another nightmare.

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The Readers Problems Tag.

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Thank you so much to Eilidh (Turn The Faucet On) for tagging me to take part in this tag. I haven’t done anything like this in a while but I thought it would be a lot of fun. I’ve always been big on reading. Last year I struggled a lot with being able to sit down a concentrate on a book. It was sad, let me tell you. However, if you know me, you’ll know that I love love love books. I love to dive into another world. Anyway, here we are:

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  1. You have 20,000 books on your TBR. How in the world do you decide what to read next?

    Well, I normally don’t have as many as 20,000… but I understand the exaggeration is for effect. Unless you have a homemade library that is. Also very possible! In my case, I live in student accommodation and sadly can’t manage to fit 100 book shelves in my dorm room. I know, I know, it saddens me greatly. However, if I have a list of books that I need to read, I normally just read the blurb of each one and decide what I feel like reading at the time. Either that, or I read the first chapter of each of the books and see which one I find most intriguing. Or just ask a friend to decide for me. I’ve never been good at making decisions, lets be honest.

  2. You’re halfway through a book and you’re just not loving it. Do you quit or are you committed?

    Honestly, a book needs to be a page turner for me to keep reading. My ‘to read’ list is almost always so big that there’s no time to waste. I mean, if I have to read it, I will and don’t get me wrong I appreciate the book.. I just physically can’t concentrate or follow the story very well if it isn’t my kind of book. You can call me narrow minded if you like. I love it when you find a book that you just can not stop reading. It’s the best feeling the world.

  3.  The end of the year is coming and you’re so close, but so far away on your Goodreads reading challenge. Do you try to catch up and how?

    I don’t have one of those.

  4. The covers of a series you love. Do. Not. Match. How do you cope?

    Oh. Man. This infuriates me. Like, WHY? Why would you do that. I don’t understand. They need to match.. it annoys me as much as when there are first, second and third movies but the story doesn’t continue… they call it ‘the second film’ and then it’s a completely different story. Yea, I’m rambling now. It really frustrates me and I can’t cope and that frustrates me more. Its a vicious cycle aha!

  5. Everyone and their mother loves a book you really don’t like. Who do you bond with over shared feelings?

    Since coming to college, I’ve met a few avid readers. Including my closest friend and neighbor here in halls who I was tagged by to do this tag and also another girl who’s room is literally over flowing with books. Its great. We always exchange ideas and perspective on books we’ve read and recommend books to each other. Love it.

  6. You are reading a book and are about to start crying in public. How do you deal?

    I don’t tend to cry over books. I’m not entirely sure why. I cry at films All. The. Time. I think it might be because I can, to a certain extend, create what I’m picturing in my head when I read. Where as, with a film, it’s right there in front of you and you have no choice but to take it for what it is and cry your little heart out. I don’t know if that makes any sense? It does to me :’)

  7. A sequel of a book you loved just came out, but you’ve forgotten a lot from the prior novel. Will you reread the book? Skip the sequel? Try to find a synopsis on Goodreads?

    I normally don’t re read books but in this case I would. I mean, it depends on how much I loved the series but of course, if it was incredible I’ll want to be up to date with it so I’ll re read it. I did this for The Hunger Games. Best idea ever.

  8. You do not want anyone, ANYONE, borrowing your books. How do you politely tell people nope?

    Typically, I don’t mind people borrowing my books. It depends who it is but if I haven’t read the book I’d have to trust them enough that they’d give it back before I part with it. Saying this, I guess I wouldn’t be friends with people I don’t trust so I think we’re all good.

  9. You’ve picked up and put down 5 books in the last month. How do you get over your reading slump?

    If this happens, I tend to make an effort to find the most amazing book, with hundreds of good reviews and recommendations on the internet as well as by people I know. Finding a page turner normally gets me back into the reading spirit.

  10. There are so many new books coming out that you’re dying to read! How many do you actually buy?

    I just buy one book a time normally because who knows, I might change my mind on all of the books by the time I finish the first one so I try to be efficient and just read one at a time. Or… get them from the library in the dozens.

  11. After you’ve bought the new books you can’t wait to get to, how long do they sit on your shelf before you get to them?

    I guess this doesn’t apply to me ;)Much Love,

    Lisa

Pick It Up Or Leave It.

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Tears tumble from my face as I stumble into my room and fall straight to the floor.

I’ve been holding it back.

I shut the door.

Suddenly I feel more trapped than I was before.

The four pale walls consume my every being and I curl into a ball with the weight of them.

I feel weak, diseased and like my heart, once again, fell to the floor as I mourned over the loss of something I thought I had.

I had two choices, whether to pick it up or leave it. I left it. I just did what I did last time, tried to ignore it. I tried to drown it. My heart, I mean.

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Mistaken Tragedy (First Draft)

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I thought I would share my first draft of a song I’ve started to write for my songwriting class. It’s called Mistaken Tragedy ( I think ) and in class we were given the theme of “Night” to work with. The song didn’t have to even include the word but I have to be able to justify what the song is about with this theme. Makes sense? Right? I’m not going to tell you what it’s about yet. I’ll see if you can guess and I’ll enlighten you at the end. It won’t be what you think it is. Anyway, here it goes:

“All you think I see is the darkness, 
a mistaken tragedy.
The world perceives light as a date and time 
but for me, its my state of mind. 

I haven’t lost my mind
my happiness isn’t defined by money and riches or questions and possessions 
don’t feel sorry for me, I can see the beauty in personality.
I can sense the fear or dread in somebody next to me and that’s more important.
We’re not just part of the economy, are we? 
There’s more to me than what you see.

Don’t be fooled by the illusion you think you’ve understood like finding your 
way out of your overcast vision.
You’ll excel at something good with effort and precision. 
You see, I’m not oblivious, I feel misunderstood.

Is there an artist who created you and me? because I can still see the beauty in something the world dramatically deceives and believes.”

What do you think it’s about?
Maybe you think it’s about there being more to life than money? Or that people can achieve more than they think they can? Or that this person feels judged by the world? (Partly correct)

It’s actually about a blind person. The person speaking in the song is blind but she is trying to get a point across to the world that although she can’t physically see light, she isn’t in darkness. She doesn’t want to be treated differently to anybody else because her mind is one of the colorful places even though she can’t see color in the way we do.

So yea, that’s that! I have songwriting class in about an hour. I’m not sure whether we’ll be working on these or not but tell me what you think.

Much love,

Lisa

About Me.

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( I just copied this from my About Me page on here. I have gotten a bit carried away. I really need to sleep now… Oh gosh, I hope I don’t sleep through my alarm? That would be an utter disaster let me tell you. Ok, goodnight!) 

I never know how to write these things. Like ever. I mean, what do you write? It’s so awkward. Oh dear, I’m just making this even more awkward, aren’t I?

Well, I’m an 18 year old girl studying Music at College in a big city writing about the musings of college life, trying to eventually have a music career, living in a building with over 100 other students and reading books.

And in case you care, here are a couple of things you might want to know 🙂

  1. You guessed it. I’m at Music College.
  2. I’m vegetarian.
  3. I’m a cat person.
  4. I love to sing and play my guitar. And pretend I can play keyboard.
  5. I love a good brew and will most likely have my nose stuck in a book while drinking it.
  6. I speak German (It’s actually my first language.. I don’t tell people that though so I hope you can keep secrets.)
  7. Travelling is my thing.
  8. I want a tattoo on my wrist saying ‘One Day At A Time’ maybe I’ll share the story behind it one day. Or maybe not.
  9. I read my bible everyday and take quotes from it to stick on my wall. I’m a Christian which basically means I love you and Jesus.
  10. I’m stressed and anxious 24/7. Like, my heart is pounding just writing this. This is meant to be relaxing. Calm. Down.

I’m okay, really.
Happy reading (well I can’t promise it’ll all be happy. Ok, I think I can go now.)

Much love,
Lisa

Journey Through Life Continues…

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It might appear as though I’ve just disappeared into thin air since May. I spoke of all of my summer adventures and plans to attend college but didn’t carry on the story, sorry. You see, I visited Rwanda in the Summer and it was incredible. While I was there, I was a nervous wreck with all of the new experiences and challenges I was facing but looking back it really has helped me and I am always always thinking about my time there. There’s so much to say about it that I’m not sure I can construct it into this blog post but perhaps at a later date 🙂 No, definitely at a later date! But what I do know, is that it’s so hard not talking about it because its been such a big part of my life but it only really makes sense to the people who experienced it with me. The people of Rwanda are the most kindhearted and joyful people I have ever met and I will be forever thankful for their genuine love for us. I hope I can visit them again soon. It’s like having family on the other side of the world and I miss them (and Africa) every day.

After the summer ended, I packed my life away and moved to a new city. If you’ve known me for more than 5 minutes, you’ll probably have guessed that I’m an adventurer. I’m scared and stressed for a lot of the time but one thing is for sure, I never stop loving to explore. It’s kind of a natural instinct for me – to look into things, to think outside of the box and fight against battles in my mind that might hold me back. I fail a lot of the time but I also succeed. In August, I moved to Edinburgh into student accommodation and started my music course. It can be overwhelming but I have really met the loveliest people here and we’re all family. On the first night, I remember I had a panic attack and the next morning, someone who is now in my friend group asked me if I was alright and said that we all need to look after each other because we’re family now. I’ve never forgotten that because when you move away into an unknown city with no body who knows you, you need those people. Those people that treat you like family. I’ll explain a lot more later but my course is jam packed with band performance, first instrument tuition, songwriting, sound production, theory, music business, midi and sequencing (i.e creating tracks on software’s) and pop music in practice. It’s so so much more diverse than Higher Music and I feel like it’s a lot more beneficial in how much of a wide range of topics we study.

I can’t wait to write more!
Much love

Summer Is So Close And I Am So Ready

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Hello lovelies,

This morning I had my Higher English exam and now I have 2 weeks until Higher Art and then I AM FINISHED SCHOOL FOR EVER and ITS SUMMER. Summer makes me happy. I’m pretty much classing now as the start of my summer holidays because, if I do say so myself, I’m pretty good at Art so I’m not too worried about it if I’m honest. I’ll just do what I always do, spend a few days memorising two essays and I’ll be good to go. So now, because I’m so glad that summer is coming, I am going to list some things that I love in Summer.

1. Sunsets. Or more specifically, walking up a hill on a beautiful evening when the sky is clear, taking lots of pretty pictures and then long boarding back down and home. SO. MUCH. FUN.
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2. Going to public gardens, having a picnic and taking lots and lots of pretty pictures.

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3. BBQ’s and camping on the beach.

(Cannon Beach, Oregon) A family relaxes in front of Haystack Rock, the largest (72m) sea stack on the US coast.  This was the first day of fair weather in weeks on the coast, and the shoeline was dotted with small fires from groups enjoying the sunset. As usual with the people I seem to meet here, they all had relatives in Norway. Or at least these thought they did; as their name started with Mac... I said, sure, you might be Norwegian and took them up on their offer of a shoreside drink or five, to prove my ethnic heritage. I thus missed missed a very nice, partly cloudy post-rain photo op of some large rocks. Oh, well. At last the little girls thought I looked like Johnny Depp. As the Mad Hatter in Alice in Wonderland. I need a haircut.

4. Actually being able to read that stack of books that I have accumulated over the year.

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5. Road-tripping to my favorite cities and discovering little cute cafe’s of the way. Bliss.

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What I really want to do more this Summer:

Climb mountains.
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An Easy Recipe

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Today I thought I would share a recipe with you. I’ve made this twice now and it’s really simple but really delicious. When I made it the first time, I was just raiding cupboards because I didn’t know what I wanted for dinner. Then… a masterpiece was created. Okay.. its not that good. Don’t get your hopes up. I just love it, and I’m procrastinating so I thought I would blog about it instead of studying.

What you will need:
– pasta/noodles of any kind.
– salt, mixed spices, pepper (optional)
– Creamy cabbages and other greens (mine is from Morrisons)
– Sweet corn
– Anything else you think would go well

Ok so first of all, I just measured out about a cup of macaroni pasta. However, you don’t really need as much as a cup with these because they are quite small before they’re cooked so you make more than you think you’re making.

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Next, I boiled some water with a pinch of salt and prepared a pan with olive oil for the vegetables.

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After the water was boiling, I poured the pasta in and turned down the heat. Then I just left them until they were soft and cooked the greens.

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Then I just added the sweet corn into the pan and waited for everything to cook and then it was ready. I’m so profound its unreal.

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I stirred it all into a bowl and sprinkled some mixed herbs and pepper. You can pretty much add anything but the cream cabbage thing is the most important for making it taste good and then the sweet corn sweetens it up so it doesn’t taste too leafy.

remind me never, ever to be a chef :’D
I should probably go back to studying….

Much love.

Goodbye School…. HELLO COLLEGE.

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First of all, lets clear the air.
I am terrible at blogging. I have no excuse.

BUT… I got into college!!! *gives self round of applause*
I’m not even sure if I blogged about it, but before the Easter holidays, I had an audition for Edinburgh College and I thought they hated me aha! I can’t even describe how glad I am! I couldn’t stop talking about it to my mum even when there was nothing left to say about it, I just kept rambling on but I’m just so flipping excited to go! I don’t think I’ve been this excited in a long time! Its such a wonderful feeling.
I don’t know what its going to be like… so that makes me super nervous but the college have said that they’ll show me around before my course starts so I know what to expect so that’s good!! And I just need to sort out finance stuff and accommodation but it’s going to be ace!

I realise I’m working backwards here, but yesterday was my last day of school classes EVER. I still have my exams ( I’m actually on study leave now) but apart from that, I am finished. I was thinking about my years at school and there are a few funny things that my friends and I always laugh about:

– My undying love for German that sends me across the globe every year which resulted in me spending 6 MONTHS pestering the department to do Advanced Higher German. It didn’t even work.

– My addiction to tea (which looks more like a mug of milk because I have ‘baby tea’) has led me to adopt the very strong view that the canteen tea is absolutely vile and not up to my standards. At all.

– I insist on taking my own secret stash of cheese to school because I felt like paying an extra 70p (!!!) for a trickle of cheese is absolute insanity.

– The incident where myself and my German gals witnessed a full blown fight on the train in Germany which resulted in a lot of injuries and the police coming to the rescue.

– Mr MacArther falling asleep in most of our German classes that he ‘taught’.

– Sophie and I pretty much crying in Orkney because we genuinely were going to pee ourselves. Drawing much attention to ourselves in the process, it was terrifying. And laughing most definitely did not help.

– Buying Mr Denmark a gift for taking us to Orkney.. But instead, he got really suspicious and thought we were doing drugs and drinking when we were just wrapping a present on the beach… P.s I’m still slightly offended

– ‘Coal is planted.’ according to the genius that I am.

– I have been known to supply myself with a large quantity of yum yums when I’m sad. Basically, you can tell my mood by my food.

I’ll just leave it there.
Much love