Most of the time, this is the best advice you can give. For me anyway, I don’t know about others. But saying ‘You’ll be fine’ doesn’t make sense to me because there’s no way of knowing that but to just be fearful but do it anyway is so truthful.
Because yesterday I had my music practical prelim.
And as much as I tried to fine, I totally wasn’t. And some people might not understand how difficult it is to spend all do your free time working towards something and being totally prepared but as soon as I walk into the exam room, I just can not control my emotions. As much as I try too. And it’s the most frustrating thing because it feels like all my work and practice is for nothing.
However, even though my head was literally shaking at first, the first 2 songs on Guitar went fine 🙂 but then I totally messed up the next one.. My hands were so shaky that I couldn’t pluck the strings. And I couldn’t control it and I didn’t know what to do. So that didn’t go so well. Then I finished with a song that redeemed me a bit. Then voice… Oh man. The first song, I burst into tears with in the first few words. The examiner said that I could have a break. So I went outside to bawl my eyes out for a while and catch my breath. My teacher came as well to see if I was okay. I don’t know if I’ll get marked down for having to have a break but I literally couldn’t sing. Or breath for that matter. So then I came back and the first song I sang, my voice was pretty shaky but it went okay.
And then I totally nailed the last song.
I sang loud and did dynamics and I managed to sing the three notes at the end which I was really struggling with for the entire year because I have to sing super loud to be able to hit the notes. That was the first time I sang it right in front of anyone which is probably why Mr Ross (my music teacher) was having a party to himself afterwards aha! And the examiner was proud of me to come back and do that.
I was so glad it was over.
Well the performance was over but I was still so overwhelmed. I cried for ages afterwards. It was probably partly because I was sad that I messed up quite a lot but most was probably being so overwhelmed. I am so glad it’s over. But I wish I could just perform like I can do when I’m in my little practice room by myself or together with the rest of my music class. It’s so annoying! I hope I’ll get there one day though.
On the plus side, it’s like a ritual for the teacher to give you a cream egg once you’ve finished your exam. Which is fabulous.
On a happier note, my friend very kindly made me this flyer for the fundraiser I am organising for my trip to Rwanda this summer. It’s so pretty, isn’t it?