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It feels strange, being in my last year of high school. I remember when my brother was in sixth year. I thought he was so old and much like an adult. I don’t feel old.. in fact, because of my height, I feel like I could pass as I first year. Last week, I was buddying for the Primary sevens that are coming to secondary school after the summer and I kid you not, many of them were taller than me. I mean, it is slightly worrying but at the same time I do actually love being small. I just had to laugh because I doubt they realized that I’m actually a sixth year. Anyway, this is my last year of school so I wanted to challenge myself a bit.

This year I chose Higher Modern Studies (because I’m so bad at English so I need some literacy subjects) Intermediate 2 maths (bad idea!), Advanced Higher German (Currently trying to convince Edinburgh College to make an acceptation and let me do open learning because apparently our school don’t have the syllabus for this level) and Higher Music. Maths is just not my thing. I mean really… I am literally incapable. But I’m trying. I will stay at least until I receive my exam results because if I didn’t get a good grade in Higher RMPS then I will re-take that and drop Maths. Anyway, Music. I have missed a year of music and therefore I’m pretty out of practice with the theory side of things so this alone is a challenge for me. However, my music teacher is so so patient and does anything he can to help me. On top of this, I chose acoustic guitar and voice as my two instruments. Acoustic guitar? no problemo. Voice? totally out of my comfort zone. I mean 1, this means singing solo infront of people. 2, this means singing without my guitar. 3, this means being tested on my vocal range. As you can imagine, voice is really testing my confidence. Which I don’t have a lot of, to be honest. But this is part of the reason I chose voice. All I want to do is be able to sing without shaking like a leaf. Its actually extremely annoying and I really want to have more confidence because music is something that I love.

My friend is helping me in music because he is also doing voice and plays piano so we don’t need the teacher all of the time. However, yesterday I went into my own practice room and practiced ‘ A Change In Me’ which is from Beauty and The Beast. My teacher gave me the CD so I could practice and it was going really well singing with no one there. Then my friend came in and asked ‘Are you winning?’ and I replied ‘I am actually’… bad idea.. this meant he wanted to hear it. I always sang really quietly so both the teacher and my friend could barely hear me but yesterday I just had to try harder. I asked him to stand where I couldn’t see him so I would be less nervous. But I sang. And I sang louder and it was so nerve racking. I could hit the high notes but I stopped because I was scared I’d mess up but it was ok,he helped me because he knew I could do them.But that was enough for one day. The thing is, I will get more confident and eventually I’ll be able to sing it all with people watching but that was quite an achievement for one day to be honest haha! I’m just trying to challenge myself and praying that I’ll get more confident because music is something that I love.

above, I linked ‘A Change In Me’ so if your interested you can listen to the song I’m practicing 🙂 But I realized that I think the version I’m doing at school is bit higher so its actually easier to sing with this video. Maybe I’ll ask if I can sing in a little bit of a lower key. Failing that, I can cope with the higher notes if I have to haha!

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